Am I the only one that’s noticed the high volume of prescription medicine commercials on television? They always show a person, or group of people, that is just thrilled to have a disease. And, call me crazy, but don’t the side effects they list usually seem to be worse than the disease the medicine was intended to treat? Take for example, my script for a topical cream used to treat psoriasis.
Announcer: Dry, itchy skin? Do you get mistaken for a human-lizard hybrid when in swim attire at the beach? Then you should get SCALE-X and kiss your psoriasis good bye!
The scene cuts out to a very sad-looking young woman applying cream to a dry patch of skin on her forearm. The shot then zooms in on her face as it lights up with elation. To celebrate her newly found clear skin, she decides to go for a romp in a nearby meadow.
Announcer: Oh, we forgot to mention that if you’re pregnant or nursing a baby you shouldn’t use SCALE-X. If you are prone to infection, have asthma, diabetes, herpes, the flu, syphilis, or Bell’s Palsy, using SCALE-X for more than seven consecutive days can cause immediate death or spontaneous genetic mutations. In some rare cases, SCALE-X has been known to cause upset stomach, bloating, excess gas, deafness, and/or bleeding from the eyes. Notify your doctor if any of these symptoms occur.
The young, romping lass looks up at the camera. “Are you kidding me? Why didn’t you say something before…” her voice is suddenly cut off as a tentacle erupts from her throat. The camera pulls out to reveal her belly, which was once swollen with a baby, has now deflated and several small lizard-looking creatures are doing the can can on her torso.
Announcer: SCALE-X…now available in a convenient spray!