I was at my store tonight, standing just outside the doorway, trying to lure customers in with my ravishing good looks. An older man in a a “VIETNAM VETERAN” hat and confined to an electric scooter stopped near me and was looking at a pair of ladies’ heels.
“Those would look so good on you,” I said, laughing.
He laughed back and then advanced his scooter closer to me. “I’m probably going to regret saying this,” he said, “but any minute now some big FAT lady is going to come up here. If you show her these shoes, and anything similar you have, she’s likely to buy them all.”
I chuckled a bit, mostly due to his jovial attitude about this fat woman who was aparenly stalking him. “Is there anything else distinctive about her,” I asked.
“Oh, hell yeah kid. She’s about 6’6″, 350 pounds. And she’s got colossal tits.”
I blinked a bit, not quite sure how to respond. “Well, that sure sounds like a distinctive woman.”
“Oh…here she is now. Honey, this man has some shoes to show you.” The woman he was talking to, who had approached him from behind while he was talking, was about 5’0″, 110 pounds. As for the colossal tits, they were an A cup at best. After talking to his wife while she was shopping for shoes, I found out this is always how he describes her to other people, and in fact, he used to say she weighed 500 pounds.
Gee, I wish I could lose that much weight.